“We need to get out of hear Jim!” Stuttered Cassidy “it's to dangerous to stay hear with him watching our every move!”
She obviously new how he was but she never mentioned him before ; a roaring killer voice emerged from the fog “Cassidy” he resentfully roared, I know where to fined you little brats! “Jim! Cassidy! Ill get you someday!”
“Who is he!” Jim demanded
“He's some one I wish I never met” Cassidy replied, “we need to get out of hear before...” crash suddenly the old eerie home that he watched us from collapsed and the figure disappeared.
Thomas you have used lots of suspense in your writing. I want to know who the man is too! I wonder what happened to him! So many questions I need to know the answers to. That's what great writers do Thomas - leave you wanting to know more. A great effort for your 100WC this week. You have used some excellent words instead of said which tells us more about how the dialogue is being spoken.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple of spelling mistakes, but I can tell exactly the words you were meaning to use. Here and hear are tricky ones to remember. There's a clue in the word hear - there is an ear hiding in it. That helps me to remember it is the one that means the sound because we hear with our ears!
Keep up the great writing Thomas
from Mrs McGuiness (Team 100WC) Derbyshire, England