..."We have to ,RIGHT NOW!"
Millie was curious but listened to Ron's words, suddenly, just before they got away, the colossal figure charged towards them, with his shoulders back and fury in his eyes. It was as if Millie's heart was burning continually, she gulped and grabbed hold of Ron.
"Ron, I'm scared!" She muttered.
The mysterious man cornered the poor, helpless children.
"Hello Lex!" Ron said with a sneaky grin.
"GRR!" Lex said.
"He murdered two men in the 60s." Ron said.
"They took it." Ron added.
"They took what?" Millie was now confused. "The Gem, the treasure,the,the ..." He stopped
for a moment.
"That's why you're after us, you think we've got the mid,don't you?" Ron now was sounding like a detective, now Millie really was confused, she thought in her head "What's the Mid, is it the Gem?"
"YES you figured it out, give the boy a prize!"
Lex yelled. "Woof! Woof! Grr!" It was Oscar the puppy.
"OSCER!" Millie shouted, while giving him a fuss.
This is an interesting extract that follows the criteria for the challenge. I liked the way you have used dialogue in this piece and the way that you leave it on a cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte, you have used some excellent description in this 100WC. I like how you described the man running towards the children and how they felt about it. Your dialogue helps explain why the man was after them. There are a couple of places where you have used a comma to mark the end of a sentence - be careful! I wonder if you can spot where they are? Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteMrs McGuiness (Team 100WC) Derbyshire, England